Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

 
Your Kudos
Your Kudos Ranking --
 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
>  Some Jokes
   
 
Shof
  Post#1 | May 14 2006, 19:49 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
1590
Increase this members Kudos



Playing: Music
Weapon: Uzi
Posts: 4,824
Member No.: 1,515
Joined: 10-April 05
*******************

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
..............................................................................................

Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!
.............................................................................................

Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
.............................................................................................

Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
................................................................................................

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates,
then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
.....................................................................................

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love

--------------------------------------------------

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

--------------------------------------------------

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

------------------------------------------

Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

--------------------------------------------------

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!

--------------------------------------------------

Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
----------------------------------------------------
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful'
and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher.
"'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is
a sick eagle."

---------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."
----------------------------------------------------
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"
 
maniac111
  Post#2 | May 14 2006, 20:01 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
190
Increase this members Kudos



Weapon: Paintball gun
Posts: 1,257
Member No.: 1,431
Joined: 28-March 05
***********

I especially like the mathematics test one. Did you come up with these yourself, or did you find them somewhere?
 
Shof
  Post#3 | May 14 2006, 20:07 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
1590
Increase this members Kudos



Playing: Music
Weapon: Uzi
Posts: 4,824
Member No.: 1,515
Joined: 10-April 05
*******************

Got them from other forums i vist
 
j-dawg
  Post#4 | May 15 2006, 00:41 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
250
Increase this members Kudos

Playing: with my fat rolls teehee
Weapon: Paintball gun
Posts: 1,377
Member No.: 40
Joined: 23-October 04
***********

Pshhh...all corny. Kinda weak, if you ask me.


--------------------
IPB Image
 
JosephO75
  Post#5 | May 15 2006, 01:01 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
1350
Increase this members Kudos



Playing: with everyone's mind
Weapon: Pistol
Posts: 3,097
Member No.: 2,942
Joined: 27-August 05
****************

my favorite one was
QUOTE
Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!
, that one.


--------------------
 
Vin
  Post#6 | May 15 2006, 11:41 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
1420
Increase this members Kudos



Playing: Nothing at the moment
Forum Idiot
Posts: 2,978
Member No.: 5
Joined: 13-October 04
***************

Subtle humour...

they make ya smile.

The one that joseph quoted is nice
 
Ephonetica
  Post#7 | May 15 2006, 14:16 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
2200
Increase this members Kudos



Weapon: Magnum
Posts: 3,912
Member No.: 8
Joined: 13-October 04
*****************

QUOTE
Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."


I can't really understand that one


--------------------
IPB Image

bad as ass.
 
mancold
  Post#8 | May 15 2006, 15:05 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
270
Increase this members Kudos



Playing: --NoNe--
Weapon: Rock
Posts: 619
Member No.: 3,341
Joined: 10-October 05
********

QUOTE(Brunnera @ May 15 2006, 20:16 )
I can't really understand that one
*




Actually the student tries to say that he was born in Singapore as a whole and not in parts, as mentioned by the teacher.


These jokes are pretty old, anyway they make me laugh.gif


--------------------

Do not go where there is a path, instead go where there is no path and leave a TRAIL.
 
DeWolfe
  Post#9 | May 15 2006, 19:23 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
2260
Increase this members Kudos



Playing: Games In Sig
Weapon: M-16
Posts: 5,000
Member No.: 33
Joined: 23-October 04
********************

What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted...

(thanks to Jethro!)


--------------------
IPB Image
 
AB
  Post#10 | May 15 2006, 22:29 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
110
Increase this members Kudos



Playing: gonna play PSP!
Weapon: Spud Gun
Posts: 268
Member No.: 5,139
Joined: 28-April 06
*****

Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.

^ i like that one.

the jokes arent THAT funny but good once in a while yes.gif


--------------------
THIS IS MY COLOUR! NO BODY TAKE IT!
 
JosephO75
  Post#11 | May 16 2006, 22:35 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
1350
Increase this members Kudos



Playing: with everyone's mind
Weapon: Pistol
Posts: 3,097
Member No.: 2,942
Joined: 27-August 05
****************

QUOTE(Brunnera @ May 15 2006, 10:16 )
I can't really understand that one
*



"Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir.""

he asks where was he born, he tells him. He asks "which part?". He means, which part of signapore, but the student thinks he means which part of his body was born in signapore. wink.gif


--------------------
 
Shof
  Post#12 | May 19 2006, 15:38 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
1590
Increase this members Kudos



Playing: Music
Weapon: Uzi
Posts: 4,824
Member No.: 1,515
Joined: 10-April 05
*******************

A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow USD $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a USD $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a USD $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground
garage and parks it there.


Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the USD $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow USD $5,000?"

The Chinese replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for only USD$15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"


Copyed off of some other forum laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
 
mancold
  Post#13 | May 19 2006, 16:36 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
270
Increase this members Kudos



Playing: --NoNe--
Weapon: Rock
Posts: 619
Member No.: 3,341
Joined: 10-October 05
********

lol !!!! He is just a brilliant guy. Great idea. laugh.gif


The bank officer must have gone crazy crazy.gif after hearing that.


Good find shof.


--------------------

Do not go where there is a path, instead go where there is no path and leave a TRAIL.
 
Ephonetica
  Post#14 | May 19 2006, 16:47 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
2200
Increase this members Kudos



Weapon: Magnum
Posts: 3,912
Member No.: 8
Joined: 13-October 04
*****************

hehe I know this one with a rich londe and Amsterdam tongue.gif.


--------------------
IPB Image

bad as ass.
 
ReMcO
  Post#15 | May 19 2006, 18:13 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
1730
Increase this members Kudos



Weapon: Pistol
Posts: 3,480
Member No.: 4,449
Joined: 8-February 06
****************

laugh.gif good one. and a smart man coolio.gif
 
Ephonetica
  Post#16 | May 19 2006, 18:18 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
2200
Increase this members Kudos



Weapon: Magnum
Posts: 3,912
Member No.: 8
Joined: 13-October 04
*****************

Merged two threads, for another thread had been posted some time earlier.


--------------------
IPB Image

bad as ass.
 
mancold
  Post#17 | May 29 2006, 17:12 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
270
Increase this members Kudos



Playing: --NoNe--
Weapon: Rock
Posts: 619
Member No.: 3,341
Joined: 10-October 05
********

Here's one...


Once a wealthy man was returning home after drawing some cash from the bank. On his way, he was stopped by a gang of thieves. They were armed heavily and ordered the man to step out of his car. Then one the thieves drew a circle on the road and asked the man to stand within it. They threatned to kill him if he steps out of the circle. Then they took all his money and belongings. When the thieves were about to leave the man started to LAUGH OUT LOUD. Surprised, the thieves asked the man why he was laughing like that.

The man's reply was, "When u guys were stealing my money I stepped out of the circle twice, but none of u noticed it laugh.gif "


--------------------

Do not go where there is a path, instead go where there is no path and leave a TRAIL.
 
Shof
  Post#18 | May 29 2006, 17:16 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
1590
Increase this members Kudos



Playing: Music
Weapon: Uzi
Posts: 4,824
Member No.: 1,515
Joined: 10-April 05
*******************

Some more to add to the list:
TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.
----------------------------------------------------

SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY : No, I'm Billy Anderson.
----------------------------------------------------

TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you
didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I
don't expect you to keep yours.
----------------------------------------------------

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than
you are.
----------------------------------------------------

HAROLD : Teacher, would you punish me for something
I didn't do?
TEACHER : Of course not.
HAROLD : Good, because I didn't do my homework.
----------------------------------------------------

TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's
paper.
JOHN : I hope you didn't either.
----------------------------------------------------

GARY : I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.

TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can
give you.
----------------------------------------------------

MOTHER : Why did you get such a low mark on that
test?
JUNIOR : Because of absence.
MOTHER : You mean you were absent on the day of the
test?
JUNIOR : No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
----------------------------------------------------

SILVIA : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA : Your name on this report card.
----------------------------------------------------

TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say
about your son.
FATHER : What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be
cheating.
-----------------------------------------------
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't
have feet.
----------------------------------------------------

HYGIENE TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases
caused by biting insects?
JOSE : Don't bite any.
----------------------------------------------------

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN : I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."
--------------------------------------------------
TEACHER: Max, use "defeat," "defense," and "detail"
in a sentence.
MAX : The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat
went over defense before detail.
----------------------------------------------------

MOTHER : Why on earth did you swallow the money I
gave you?
JUNIOR : You said it was my lunch money.
----------------------------------------------------

TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what
would you get?
SASHA : A new bike.
----------------------------------------------------

TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your
father for another, how
many dollars would you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.
TEACHER: (sadly)You don't know your arithmetic.
VINCENT: (even more sadly)You don't know my father
----------------------------------------------------

TEACHER : If I had seven oranges in one hand and
eight oranges in the
other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!
----------------------------------------------------

BOY : Isn't the principal a dummy!
GIRL: Say, do you know who I am?
BOY : No.
GIRL: I'm the principal's daughter.
BOY : And do you know who I am?
GIRL: No.
BOY : Thank goodness!
 
ReMcO
  Post#19 | May 29 2006, 17:16 + Quote Post Go to the top of the page
User is offline
Mini Profile
PM
1730
Increase this members Kudos



Weapon: Pistol
Posts: 3,480
Member No.: 4,449
Joined: 8-February 06
****************

lol not very smart but funny laugh.gif
 
1 User(s) are reading this topic:
 
 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
 
 
 
- Choose Skin: